


Hold On - Klance

by SeraStars



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying Keith (Voltron), Crying Lance (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Suicidal Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25599916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraStars/pseuds/SeraStars
Summary: One more breath. One more kiss. One more, one more, just one... and his hand fell limp.Keith suddenly became like glass. You could see everything he was hiding. He was fragile. He was delicate but beautiful. But most importantly, he was bound to break any minute.
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 153





	Hold On - Klance

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by anon on tumblr. Enjoy :)

Keith looked at himself in the mirror.

And he stared for a long time- what he saw wasn’t something he was proud of. In the way that he saw himself, he was too lean in some places. In others, he felt that he was too overweight. He hated the way his jawline was- so skinny and jagged that it looked like it was sharpened on a knife. His nose was too long, and when he looked at it he thought that it took up at least half of his face.

And even after a few years, a long time of training, he wasn’t proud of his body composition- ratio from muscle to excess body fat. He would never be as good as combat like Shiro, he couldn’t be as smart as Pidge, or not even as cheery as Lance or Hunk, no matter how hard he tried. He was just the loner- when he came into the room, from the way he saw it all the laughter stopped. When he left, everyone started sharing more stories while he trained on his own to get his mind off of things.

Keith pinched the fat that weighed down at his sides. He noticed the bit of fat under his chin and frowned promptly. Was he happy? No. Not one bit. If anything, he was frustrated with the way his body looked and wanted to slice all the excess fat off and go back to the way he felt before, but he didn't even remember the feeling of happiness. 

But he couldn’t focus on pitying himself- if he did, he would end up crying. And who knows what could happen if he did- in _front_ of the Paladins. No, no. He wasn't allowed to cry, even in his room. 

Keith slumped back down in front of his bed frame and looked up in the mirror, and all the horrible feelings and words came back again. 

_Keith is such a baby._

_Grow up._

_Stupid._

_No wonder why he’s the loner._

_You're a monster._

_You're Galra. An enemy._

_You don't belong here._

_Ha, and you thought you had a chance?_

He bit his tongue and screamed into whatever object he had to muffle the sound, thoughts flooding into his head and digging his nails into his scalp as he hunched over to his knees on the floor.

_It makes sense why his parents left, right?_

_Honestly, I would have left him to die._

_What a fake. He's just doing it for attention._

_He’s just going to be a loner all his life._

_Loner._

_All on his own._

“Shut up, shut up, shut _UP!_ ” he raged and his body thrashed to the floor. He was more than thankful for the sound-proof walls that Coran made.

“I really am just the loner,” he said in a low voice to himself as he curled up into a ball, hitting his head without stopping, trying to focus on external pain, not the storm that brewed inside.

Keith noted this: Allura and Lance always hung out together, and Pidge and Hunk helped each other with tech-machines and Shiro got to help out with all that. He was accepted, while Keith was stuck, groaning in agony and pain. Because he wasn’t helpful, because he was a tool tossed in the trash, because he wasn’t a part of the rest to make something important. He was the loner. With no one to love him.

No one will love him. No one could love him.

He didn’t even know what love was- when his mother, Krolia said that she had to leave him out of love, he didn’t know anymore.

_If love is like that, I don’t want it._

What was love? 

If love was leaving the people you loved most, what was the point? Would you only accept love if you accepted people walking away and leaving you to die on your own?

So as Keith grew up, he lived a life rejecting people, because how could he stand his ground if everyone wanted to bury him in a coffin beneath it? 

When he looked in the mirror again, he saw red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He had cried. 

All he wanted was for someone to talk to his problems about, to have someone to tell him what to do next. At least _Lance_ had an option to go home- because he _had_ a home. He had a place to stay. But Keith didn't have a home, and he knew he never wanted to relive those memories.

_And when Pidge tried to leave, Keith screamed._

“ _You’re putting the lives over the two people over the lives of everyone in the entire galaxy!”_

_He wasn’t mad at Pidge- he was jealous. He never had anyone to go to, and here all the Paladins were, talking about their families and traditions. He never got to talk to anyone. He didn’t know what it was like to go to your mother and ask her what’s going to happen in the future, how to get good grades or have someone to celebrate his birthday, holidays with. Because he was the loner._

Instead of moping around, he decided to try to talk to someone.

First, he tried to approach Shiro. Shiro always had time for him, and if he didn't, he made time.

He knocked on the door, as Shiro turned around and smiled. “Keith,” he said.

“Hey, Shiro, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, but could you come in maybe…” he looked at the ticker. “Maybe actually a few doboshes. I’m working on a new engine for training,” he displayed his hands covered in oil. “Meet you in a few?”

Keith tried to hide the disappointment in his face, masking it with a smile and nodding. “Sure. I just- when can we... when can we talk?”

"Is it important right now, or do you...?"

_He thinks you're worthless. He thinks you're a baby for asking for help._

Keith shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. He opened his mouth to say ' _yes,'_ but his brain talked first. "No, I'm fine, I think. But thanks."

Shiro nodded and waved Keith off.

He went to Pidge instead, coming into the tech room. “Pidge, do you have a minute?” he asked in a low voice. "I need- can we talk?"

“Keith, I’m _busy_." Pidge snapped. "I don’t know what you want to talk about that’s _so_ important that you need to-” she caught herself and looked up from her polaroid photo. “Sorry, just… thinking about my family,”

_Family._

Keith bit his tongue to stop himself from crying out and gave a quick nod, afraid that is he replied to her statement he'd end up crying.

Hunk.

After searching forever around the ship, he looked around in the kitchen to find Hunk baking "cookies."

“Keith!” Hunk smiled as he started to put the cookie dough on the tray. "How've you been? I'm just baking cookies. I heard Lance invited you to go stargazing, right?"

Keith had almost forgotten. They hadn't been able to talk for so long that Lance himself asked Keith to stargaze with him- Keith had been sure it was another one of Lance's pranks, but the paladin had seemed genuine so Keith had agreed.

But Keith ignored that and said, “Hunk, can I talk to you?”

“Maybe. Just wait, as soon as I get my cookies in the oven, buddy,” Hunk said gently as he slid on plastic gloves. Keith shifted his weight on his feet, looking up to prevent tears from forming at his eyes. Even Hunk, the Paladin who would talk to anyone at any time, even _during_ battle said no.

_You shouldn't even take it that personally._

_Keith, grow up! He probably thinks you're stupid now._

“O-Okay,” he mumbled and tried to stop his voice from quaking.

It’s fine.

And Lance…

No.

Even though Lance might have asked Keith to go stargazing didn't mean that he was still a rival. Keith was sure that Lance would just make fun of him for being an even bigger baby, calling him names and laughing at his face. He would poke at his mullet and pout like a baby at him, asking if he wanted his mom.

Not an option, not at all. Never. 

He trudged over to his room, looking at the mirror again. He was over with it, done with the pain of hiding his depression and anxiety of having the whole world counting on him.

_They’d be better off without the red Paladin._

He opened up the cupboards that Coran had showed him, and a mountain of pills uncovered with thousands of different numbers and labels scribbled onto them. Coran had assured Lance that they were 100 percent safe as long as you didn't consume more than one a day. Lance used those for when he was homesick or couldn't fall asleep without sobbing in the middle of the night.

Keith could remember what Coran had said: _"I'm sorry, my boy. But be sure to only take one every quintant! If you take too many, that could result in some serious problems like fainting, possible chances of death, collapsing, memory loss, and-"_ But Lance had nodded before Coran could continue and kept his oath of taking one a day.

One of them in particular, in blue ink, read: ㄥ卂几匚乇

 _Maybe I should just go talk to him..._ Keith considered, but he waved it off and blinked furiously. _They all think of you as a burden._

Before he even knew what he was doing, he scavenged them all and wiped the cabinet clean. He was nothing more than mad, enraged, and so _frustrated_ with himself and the world. Everything hurt, his heart hurt, his head hurt, and all he wanted to know was what love felt like. Because he was alone, with no one to run to, no one to discuss his problems with, because everyone; he felt that _everyone_ just hated him.

Before he knew it, blood was dripping down his wrists to his elbows, and he found himself holding a scalpel in between his fingers.

It hurt.

But it was good for everyone else- benefited four Paladins over one.

He cried, bursting out into loud sobs until his body shook and he doubled over. He hastily grabbed for the pills, but the images of his parents who abandoned him taunted him in his mind, saying, _remember me, see me, feel me…_

“Stop…” he started, but then he thought of the Garrison when he had to leave, what would _normal_ kids do? Kids- no, messed up and _useless_ kids like him were born without parents to love them because to everyone in the entire world, no one could care less. 

And he tried to fight it, he wanted to keep going but the light was already gone, as the bottle of pills was empty.

At first, Keith didn’t realize what happened until a searing red pain burst into his side as he fell to the ground once more, pounding on the ground to get the pain to _stop,_ just _stop_ for a second for him to regain strength- but the pain was a pulse, coming at any random second at any rate. Keith always thought that it was better to die than live your life alone. He was so tired of listening to everyone else that things were going to get better, but how? 

How could he feel better when the entire world told him otherwise?

_____________

Lance got up from his seat at the kitchen to go ask Keith if he was ready for another round of training- Keith had promised him that they would try an intense level to see who would win, and that was the only thing that kept him energized through the week. Then after that Keith agreed to have a “bro night” and look at the stars on his lion. He approached Keith’s room, knocking on the door.

When he heard no response, he opened it with a loud creak, but no one was there.

But then he saw a sight so frightening that he had to squeeze his eyes shut.

Why was there a trail of blood coming out of the bathroom?

When he mustered the courage to open his eyes, he saw it:

The medicine cabinet was empty.

_No._

**_NO._ **

Lance sprinted towards the door, pulling with all his might to open the bathroom door, praying that Keith would be okay and his eyes would have that rude, but beautiful violet glare that told him he was better. But it was locked shut. 

“Keith!” Lance screamed, pounding at the wood on the verge of tears.

“ _Keith, please ANSWER ME!”_ He was now hysterical, sobbing, and punching the door to open until the bottom shook and the doors were dented. “Keith, please, _please_ open the door! I-” Lance choked, his vision blurry and out of focus.

No answer.

“Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, someone, _please_ help!”

But no.

Hunk was baking.

Pidge was busy.

Shiro was working.

Allura wouldn’t understand.

Coran would be confused.

Lance cried out in helplessness and used his bayard to bust open the door- and the sight of Keith’s body bleeding out and his tear-stained face pained Lance so much that his chest hurt. "No, no, no no no-!"

He immediately picked Keith up bridal-style, ignoring the sticky blood over his shirt. He needed _help._

Lance pulled Keith into his shirt, to hear his heartbeat, he _had to_ be alive. 

He needed him.

No matter how much rivalry or fights that they had with each other, Keith was his world.

“Please…” Lance cried, putting Keith’s hand to his lips. “Please, don’t leave me. You got this,” he choked out as he wiped his tears. "You're going to be okay, you're going to be okay, you're going to be okay," but Lance said it like a mantra to convince himself rather than encourage Keith.

Lance found Shiro in the room next door.

“Shiro!” he sobbed as he watched Shiro’s face turn white.

“What’s-”

“ _Keith_ happened, we need a pod _now.”_ He didn’t care how rude he sounded, he just needed Keith to be okay. 

“A pod won’t help something like this. We’re going to the hospital, right now,” Shiro said firmly and he instantly stood up. Shiro's eyes read nothing but utter guilt, but Lance gave a short pat on the back but it quickly died off when Shiro shook his head. "We need to go."

“There’s a hospital here?” Lance stuttered through his tears and he looked at Keith's sweaty forehead. He noted how sunken his eyes were, and how those violet eyes were... no. Now was not the time for self-pity.

“Yes, but most times you don’t need it unless someone was really hurt,” Shiro said, his gaze unmoving. "We need to go."

“I’ll take my lion with Keith. Shiro, fly the ship.” Lance ordered and the three headed off before anyone could realize they were gone. 

Taking Keith’s body, he shakily rested it on the co-pilot’s seat and looked at him. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry you didn’t have someone to talk to but _please,_ stay with me.”

He heard a groan escape from Keith’s lips.

He was alive.

Lance almost broke down again out of happiness, he was alive. Lance didn’t realize until now that he had been holding Keith’s hand the whole time.

He didn’t care anymore, he held on even tighter. In pure and sheer terror, Lance placed Keith's head on his lap, whispering, "Stay with me." And kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Please."

But even after everything, Lance was still in a living nightmare with no escape that he had to suffer through. 

At the hospital, the doctors placed him on a table, scanning with an odd silver stick for a heartbeat.

“Is he going to be okay?” Lance asked, gripping onto the hem of his shirt to stop his hands from shaking.

“We don’t know for sure- he went…” One of the doctors stared at another who had her hair tied up in a bun and three ears. "He went far."

In the hospital room, the doctors allowed Lance to stay in while they helped other patients.

“Keith,” Lance choked. He held onto his hand, kissing the top of it. “You have to stay with me,” he sobbed. His voice changed octaves and disappeared at the end, saying, “Y-you promised-d, stargazing, r-remember?”

_Please…_

Normally he never prayed, but this time he was so desperate for someone to take Keith’s pain away. “Should have been me.”

Lance looked up again, praying to whatever God was up there. "Please, don't do this to him, don't."

\---------------------------------

Keith remembered being confused when he felt someone holding his hand- he was only half-conscious.

_Might be Shiro…_

Then he heard it:

“You promised, stargazing, remember?”

_Lance?_

The one person he chose not to go to was the one who was holding his hand at the hospital.

He had found him.

It was _Lance,_ Lance had cared for him and helped him…

So it was Lance after all.

Lance was more than important, he was crucial.

_I... I can do this. I can get through this._

And slowly, a star of hope began to form in the midst of darkness.

\------------------

_After two days_

\------------------

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed, holding onto him as tight as he could on the hospital bed.

“They said I could go in a few hours,” he managed to say in a low voice. 

“You’re okay,” Lance said, a tear coming down his cheek. He hugged him again, muttering into his shoulder, “They said you wouldn’t make it,”

Lance was shaking Keith's shoulders, but Keith refused to make eye contact and stared at the floor. “What if- what if it was better that way…?”

Lance immediately jerked up, grasping his shoulders and looking at him dead in the eye.

 _Keith did_ not _just say that_

“ _No,”_ Lance affirmed. 

“But-”

“Keith, you are the most amazing-”

“I don’t want to hear those lies again!" Keith exploded and loosened himself from Lance's grip. Even as soon as he woke up he already felt horrible again. "I-I’m a _mistake,_ I can’t f-focus on anything, I put myself over the team, almost got us killed, and I-I can’t _stand_ to see myself in the mirror- I’m an ugly paladin- no, I'm a hideous Galra enemy who isn’t important. I’m sorry, that’s w-who I am,” Keith confessed and buried his hands in his hair. "I'm sorry."

Lance looked at him again, now releasing his shoulders and pointing an accusing finger at his face. 

“ _You know what, Keith?!”_

“I told you-”

Lance interrupted him again, stepping back and screaming, tears now running down his face, “If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better _mirror!_ Look a little closer! Stare a little longer, because there’s something inside of you that made you keep going despite everyone who told you to quit, you have to believe that they were wrong!” He exclaimed. 

Kind words… no, life-changing words from Lance took him by surprise.

“Keith, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. The way your eyes gleam when you have an idea, your laugh when you hear something stupid, or… I could go on and on,” he said.

Lance gazed at Keith's hand and laced his fingers around them. “Keith, for a long time, I didn’t know what it was, but I know now."

"I-I love you,” Keith blurted quietly. "I love you."

Lance stopped.

“There, I said it. It’s true. And if you don’t love me back, I understand-”

He was stopped with a kiss.

 _Lance_ had kissed him.

Keith wanted it to last forever, and in Lance’s arms, the world seemed to slow down.

It was beautiful-

No, _he_ was beautiful.

“I love you too,” Lance said. "More than anything."


End file.
